Living In A Haze
by CrimsonJoy
Summary: She sits across the room from me, drawing me like a moth to a flame. She knows she had this power over me, and I have the same over her. T to be safe. Kinda angsty, but no much.


A/N

**This is a tiny bit depressing, but not to bad. I hope you like it! I don't usual write in this tense, so forgive me if I make a mistake. :)**

**Ps. They haven't become friend's yet here. :) **

**Disclaimer: I (obviously) own nothing…**

My eyes snap open as the bright early morning sun shines in through my blinds. I groan and roll over onto my side, trying to shield my sensitive eyes from the light, but to no avail. I sigh, throwing the light bedcovers from my cold form. The freezing air hits my skin and I wince, automatically reaching up to cover my bare arms with my hands.

Slowly, I stretch my body, cracking my muscles and blinking rapidly. School. I try to force my body to care, but I cannot. I live in a haze, surviving through each day without feeling anything. I have woken up countless times and tried to look back on my day with some form of happiness, but I find that I have none, that I can barely remember the day's events.

I dress without even noticing, my mind wandering somewhere else. But as I return to by currant location, I cannot even remember what I was thinking about. My life has no purpose, just to survive. Wearing my favourite jeans and a blouse, my hair perfect and my make-up set perfectly, I know I look smoking hot, but I don't have the energy to care.

I slowly walk down the stairs to the kitchen. It's cold and unfeeling, as is the rest of my 'home'. I roll my tired eyes and rummage through the cupboards for something to eat, coming up with near nothing. I sigh and grab and apple, biting into it as I read a small note taped to the fridge.

'Gone to conference. Back at 11. Dinner in the oven. Love you honey, Mum.' I sigh and rip the paper from the fridge, tossing it into the bin with a huff. Anger flows through me, but I brush it off with a slow deep breath. I glance at the clock, I was late, again.

With a sigh, I walk out the door. I quick look at the sky told me to expect rain so I take off toward the school at a jog.

I make it to school just in time. I run to my locker to grab my books and dash to class. History first. I walk through the door, my head down to avoid the eyes of my classmates. I can feel _those_ eyes on me. I shiver and rush to my seat at the back of the class, making a show of arranging my stuff for class.

I can still feel the eyes following my every move, but I'm too scared to look up at meet them. So I don't. I keep my head down at my book, trying to focus on whatever subject we're doing, but failing miserably. I close my eyes to help shield myself from the one's watching me. Those eyes that I could always feel on me, every time I had a class with _her_.

I groan inaudibly. What a joke my life was becoming. Living in my haze of grey, neither on the side of light or dark, just there. I sometimes can't hold back my anger over my 'accomplishments' in life. A family that seems to do it's best to avoid me, no true friends, and a certain girl who I can't help but let my eyes wander too.

I can feel my resolve weaken and beg me to give into my urges. So I allow it. My eyes wander up to meet hers. She is sitting in the row in front of me, but on the other row. Her neck is craned back so she can watch me, and her hands are playing absentmindedly with her pen.

Our eyes lock and we stare each other down, I get lost in those irises. The deep cobalt blue draw me like a moth to a flame, the way they flowed like the seas and drifted like the sky. But I can't hold that stare, I my eyes fall back down to look at my book. I faintly hear her sigh and the chair scrape as she faces forward again.

I let myself look up again now tat there is little chance of meeting those eyes again. I glance at the clock. Only ten minutes left, then I can escape this room and get away from those smouldering eyes. My mind wanders and goes blank, and I let it.

I sit in my haze of boredom, faintly hearing the teacher drone on and on about some dead guy. I blink to draw myself back to earth, and find my eyes had firmly planted themselves on long, shining blonde tresses. I drag my eyes away and feel my body already craving its drug.

I shrug off my need and focus my attention on the teacher, taking in as much as my tired mind would allow me.

**Glee!**

I sit in the cafeteria, chewing the food slowly but tasting nothing. My eyes are firmly planted on the blonde sitting on the other side of the room, my actions robotic as she fills my energy, as if she controls all life and power.

I know she can sense my eyes, and by the slight strain on her neck, she is fighting the same urge as I was in the classroom. I think of allowing her the luxury of peace, but I quickly brush the thought away. The monster inside me craved her, and I could not deny him.

She is talking with her friends, her face alight with delight and childish wonders. I cannot help but envy her, detest her and her innocent outlook on life, but my body instantly punishes my thoughts, making me want her more and more.

I groan and drop my fork onto my… mush, walking to dump it into the bin. I feel her eyes on me as I leave the room, but I don't turn to face her. I know if I do, I will never look away.

I storm to my locker, roughly grabbing my books for my next lessons. I can feel fearful eyes on me, all knowing that I was angry, and not to cross me. People began to stray to a meter distance away from me, all curving around me like the sea around a rock.

I smirk at their fear and slam my locker, causing everyone in the corridor to jump with fear. I smile devilishly and spin on my hell to storm down the hall. I sneer at a few of the other student as I walk, my eyes alone terrifying them. But I am stopped on my rain of terror. I smell her before I see her. That gorgeous scent that seemed to follow her around everywhere she goes; a bit like vanilla, or like those Kinder bars.

I freeze, but my face remains unfazed as I try to keep my strength. I know I'm losing as she continues to walk towards me. Her eyes bore into me as she deliberately slows when she stalks by my still form. My eyes follow her, her eyes stay on me. Our gazes meet and refuse to let go.

She slows to a near stop, but corrects herself and breaks out eye contact, walking down the hall at a walk/jog. I sigh, but walk to my next class, my energy levels drained as my drug leaves me.

**Glee!**

Last class before I can leave this place. She is sitting in front of me, her sneaker clad feet tapping on the floor to a beat no one else could hear. My eyes are glued to her back, trailing every line and curve.

I instantly berate my feelings and myself. I was sick, wrong, it was as if I lived because of this girl. This _girl_! I drag my gaze over to the boy sitting across the room from me. Puck was sitting similarly to her, but the appeal to watch wasn't present. I sigh again and allow my mind its last dose for the day.

The bell would ring soon, and I would have no means of filling my needs. So I want to gather up all I could. Her amazing scent, her glowing hair, her beautiful face, her amazing body… I slap myself internally for my thoughts but cannot keep up my fight to _not_ stare at this perfect girl in front of me.

I groan as the bell rings shrilly, alerting me to the end of the day. I glance out the window and see the pouring rain. I didn't have a lift home, so I guess I'd be walking. Strangely, the thought didn't annoy me. I simply didn't care anymore.

I have found it harder every day to have the energy to care about anything. My life used to be so easy, it was all set out for me to take on. Go through school, marry a boy, have an amazing career and a family, settle down. It was easy and planned. But it wasn't staying on the tracks.

Ever since I got to this school and my eyes first fell on _her_. My mind spits the word, to disgusted with itself to even think her name. My eyes sting and I feel my body twitch as my feelings begin to escape yet again from their careful imprisonment. But I keep them trapped, not allowing them the feeling of freedom.

I blink and swing my bag onto my shoulders. It's heavy, full of the homework I have no intent of doing. But I don't care. The muscles in my shoulders scream at me to lessen their load but I ignore it, gritting my pearly teeth in a grimace as I leave the school walls.

I feel the cold rain hit my skin and I groan, but continue my walk towards home. It would be useless to whine about this now; I have to go through it anyway. I set off on my journey towards home, my body already craving her.

I am not even halfway home, but my clothes are soaked through. My teeth chatted as I walk on, the journey taking longer than usual. I am cold, but I take no notice. I just don't care.

I glance to my right when I hear the distinct sound of a car engine. A red, new looking vehicle is moving slowly beside me. The window is acting as a mirror, showing me my own soaked features. I scowl and continue my walk home.

I hear a shout, but I don't understand the words being said, so I ignore it. I walk on, my hair sticking to my neck and face. I hear it again, clearer this time. "Hey! Do you need a lift?" I turn my head to the driver of the car, and I stop. She sits, leaning out the window to talk to me, her face friendly.

I nod slowly and she smiles, stopping the car and leaning over to unlock the passenger seat for me. I slowly walk around to enter the car, getting in slowly and carefully. Her scent hits me and I am momentarily frozen, but I escape her web and make it inside the vehicle. She watches me with her keen, bright eyes, as if I am demonstrating a valuable skill. I turn to face her when she fails to restart the engine.

Our eyes meet each other's again and we are both frozen. I force myself to keep the eye contact, knowing only awkwardness will appear if I don not. I suddenly notice our close proximities but don't move away, or make any indication of doing so. Nether does she.

We sit in silence for an unknown amount of time. It could have been hours of seconds, nether of us could tell. We just sit in her car, leaning towards each other, both breathing hard. It was strange; I'm not panicking, or internally murdering myself for being so entranced by this girl.

Suddenly, we both blink and move away. She starts the engine and begins to drive me home. I am thankful, but do not voice it. I cannot show any of my need to speak to the angel sharing my air. I can tell by her body language, she is in the same battle as I, and she is losing. I decide to help her out, and turn away, watching her refection in the window instead.

I see her fingers taping on the wheel, her body restless and jumpy. I cannot help her, but I fill my own need by breathing in as much of her air as I can before I must depart the car, her car.

I can tell she wants to speak, but I give her no chance. I won't let myself be dragging into her trap, her web of vanilla. I spot my house and can't tell if I am happy or disappointed by its appearance.

She stops the car and I move to get out, but her hand is on my arm, faster than lightning, giving me a similar shock. "Wait!" she says, her voice breaking the silence between us, but not giving any indication of whether she had anything to actually say or not.

I stare her down, not sure if I was desperate to leave or begging to stay. Our eyes locked and refused to release. "Santana…." She breathed out, her breath hitting my face in a cloud of vanilla and chocolate. I hold my own breath, knowing if I sampled that heavenly scent that I would never leave this girl.

I don't speak, but my eyes must be doing all the talking for me. Her own beautiful blues fly between both of mine, taking in as much as she could. Her grip on my arm tightens to almost pain, but I don't move.

Then I feel it, and my chest explodes with excitement. Her lips graze mine, carefully and slowly, giving me a chance to back away, or lean in. I begin the latter and she responds with enthusiasm. I don't know if I'm dreaming or not, but here she is, nearly on top of me, in the front seat of her car, her lips meeting mine in rough, sloppy kisses.

My arms ghost up around her back to pull her closer, and she knots her hands into my raven hair. Her tongue brushed across my bottom lip and I offer access quickly, desperate to taste more of her. She smiles against my lips, moaning slightly as out tongues battle for dominance. Suddenly, we both realise what we are doing and we fly to opposite ends of the car, breathing hard.

She meets my eyes, knowing she had caught me in her web, and going in for the kill. I went willingly. Her eyes break out eye contact to look at the house for two seconds and then back to mine. I nod and she grins devilishly, her white teeth glinting. I know I'm falling hard into her trap, but I don't even care.

So there you have it :) I just wrote this after getting real life experience with someone in this 'haze'. And I knew I could add Brittana easily. YAY! Review please! LOVE YOU!

**-S**


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